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Quiz Results: Your Relationship Fighting Style

Nancy Fagan, LMFT

Couple’s Fighting Styles

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Last week I posted a quiz titled, “Which TV character best describes the way you fight with your romantic partner?” I received a lot of private emails in response. Most were from people telling me they were not comfortable taking an online quiz. In response, I have posted the quiz and results below. Enjoy!

Fighting Style Quiz Questions 

How well do you and your spouse get along on a weekly basis?  

  1. We have mostly good interactions.

  2. We have more bad interactions than good.

During an argument…

  1. We are pretty calm and polite toward each other as we collaborate to find a solution.

  2. We do our best to avoid all arguments, try to minimize conflict, and think it’s better to agree than disagree.

  3. We are loud, passionately, and sometimes throw in humor to break the tension.

  4. We yell, insult each other, and say hurtful things.

How we deal with conflict

  1. We work to compromise by talking it through until we find a solution that works for both of us.

  2.   We focus on what we have in common and our shared values.

  3. We are open with each other about all our feelings. The good and the bad.

  4.  We don’t listen to each other and have unhealthy communication. Conflict is rarely resolved.

What happens after an argument? 

  1. We feel heard and understood.

  2. We figure our problems will work themselves out so why fight.

  3. We get the issue resolved and head to the bedroom to make up.

  4. We say hurtful things, get defensive, and feel more distant from each other.

RESULTS

How to score:

Mostly “1’s” (Validating)

Mostly “2s” (Volatile)

Mostly “3s” (Conflict Avoider)

Mostly “4s” (Hostile Detached)

Validating Couples (Brady bunch)

Congratulations! Your fighting style is similar to that of Carol and Mike Brady from the TV show The Brady Bunch. This style of fighting is called Validating. It is not likely to lead to divorce because you have strong, clear communication. You’ve learned to validate your partner by expressing empathy and understanding for your partner’s perspective.

When you have an argument with your spouse, you are polite, respectful, in control, and stay pretty calm. If your partner also fights this way, the two of you operate more like collaborators working to find solutions. You are good at compromise and seek to find solutions that work for both of you. 

Congratulations! Your fighting style is similar to that of Carol and Mike Brady from the TV show The Brady Bunch. This style of fighting is called Validating. It is not likely to lead to divorce because you have strong, clear communication. You’ve learned to validate your partner by expressing empathy and understanding for your partner’s perspective.

When you have an argument with your spouse, you are polite, respectful, in control, and stay pretty calm. If your partner also fights this way, the two of you operate more like collaborators working to find solutions. You are good at compromise and seek to find solutions that work for both of you. 



Volatile Couples (Gloria & Jay Modern Family)

Congratulations! Your fighting style is similar to that of Gloria and Jay Pritchett from the TV show Modern Family. This style of fighting is called Volatile and is not likely to lead to divorce. 

Conflict with your partner happens easily, is intense, and done on a grand scale. You love to debate but never in an insulting  way toward your partner. You use plenty of humor to lessen the intensity of your passionate fights. 

You don’t hold back sharing your positive and negative feelings, but you do so respectfully. Although you fight frequently, your relationship is filled with positive interactions, affection, respect, and playful teasing.  You use persuasion throughout the discussion to get your points across. Even if you do not “win,” your differences get resolved and making up is great fun. 

Conflict Avoiders (Jim and Pam from The Office)

Congratulations! Your fighting style is similar to that of Jim and Pam from the TV show The Office. You are a conflict avoider! 

This style of fighting is not likely to lead to divorce. You prefer to avoid confrontations and rarely argue because you don’t see the benefit of getting outwardly upset. When you do have conflict, you discuss it in a calm, careful manner. You agree to disagree. Rather than argue, or discuss what you need from your partner, you focus on the good parts of your relationship. 

You believe that your common ground and values are much greater than your differences. This makes all else insignificant and not worth the bother of discussing. 

Cookie and  the Hostile-Detached Couple (Cookie & from Empire)

Congratulations! Your fighting style is similar to that of the toxic Cookie and Lucious from the TV show Empire. You are a hostile-detached fighter. 

This is the most likely type of fighting style to get divorced. This style creates an environment with criticism, contempt, defensiveness as well as, physical, emotional, and psychological abuse.

This style of fighting feels more like being in a relationship with a mean enemy. It’s a lonely, tumultuous, hurtful, and conflict is rarely resolved. Communication is unhealthy and you and your partner don’t listen to what each other is saying. Overall, your interactions are more negative than positive which can destroy a relationship. 

Share your results in the comment section below.

Nancy Fagan, Founder of Relationship Resolution Center

Nancy Fagan is the founder of the Relationship Resolution Center, an online counseling, mediation, and coaching business. She holds a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology and is the former owner of the largest divorce mediation firm in San Diego. She is a 3-time published author and has appeared on countless television, radio shows, and quoted in national magazines since 1997.

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