by Nancy Fagan, Relationship Resolution Center
If your marriage is not satisfying, it's easy to put the blame on your spouse. Rather than play the role of victim (blaming your spouse for the problems in your marriage), ask yourself this question—what role did you play that contributed to the current state?
Usually, couples wait until a crisis happens, such as an affair, to recognize that their relationship needs help. If more couples intervened during calm waters, when boredom begins to surface, more relationships would survive difficult times.
You should live by the following rules of love…
Stop talking about romance and get to work being romantic.
Don't expect your partner to make changes. If you want more excitement in your relationship, you have to initiate it.
Make your partner a part of your life. Top priority is ideal.
A relationship requires daily attention to keep it alive. If you put in the minimum work, it will be reflected in the degree of happiness and satisfaction you feel in your relationship.
Keeping the lines of communication open is one way to keep the romance burning bright.
The nice thing about working on a relationship is that it doesn't require both people to start the process. If only one starts making changes, the dynamics of your relationship will alter. So for instance, if you act more loving toward your spouse, In turn, your partner will acquiesce by being more loving toward you. This will eliminate "talking" with your spouse about fixing things. The best thing is that you'll never have to mention a word because things will naturally change.
“It’s not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
—Friedrich Nietzsche
Learn from Happy Couples
The best way to learn about how to have the greatest love story ever is to listen to how other happy couples do it.
All you have to do is ask or read about happy couples, and you will learn the tricks. For instance, in the book The Secrets of Happily Married Couples.
By author Paul Coleman tells how happy couples stay happy. His findings are based on many research studies on marital happiness.Basically, his 30 secrets can be summarized into three main goals that all couples should have:
Practice good communication. Communication skills include considering the part you play in the problem, trying not to be defensive, and seeing the issue from your partner's perspective.
Have realistic expectations for a long relationship. Realize that change involves ups and downs and appreciate the effect that significant changes, such as having children, will have on your relationship.
Make time for each other. Make regular dates, have fun together, and take every opportunity to be affectionate.
When Trouble's a Brewin!
Part of learning how to keep a relationship happy is to learn to identify early warning signs of trouble. This way, you and your partner can repair the damage before the problem becomes worse.
In romantic relationships, one of the first signs of trouble is a decrease in romance. This does not mean that once romance begins to wane, your relationship is on the rocks. It is merely a gauge. If you notice definite cutbacks in romance, let it be a signal that you need to add more romantic gestures to your relationship. Increasing romance will create a surge of positive energy in the relationship.
Nancy Fagan, Founder of Relationship Resolution Center
Nancy Fagan is the founder of the Relationship Resolution Center, an online counseling, mediation, and coaching business. She holds a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology and is the former owner of the largest divorce mediation firm in San Diego. She is a 3-time published author and has appeared on countless television, radio shows, and quoted in national magazines since 1997.