Affair-proof your marriage
by Nancy Fagan, Relationship Resolution Center
A romantic relationship is an emotionally intimate bond between two people. Such a relationship is best when it is with someone who knows you, understands you, and accepts you. It is enhanced through talking intimately about feelings, thoughts, and needs.
Sometimes when the qualities of a romantic relationship are not met, one or both partners may seek them outside the relationship in an affair. An affair can be as exhilarating as it is destructive to the relationship. When a person in a relationship feels the temptation to have an affair, it's usually because the romance in the relationship has stopped being important. Keep this thought in the back of your mind as you search for ways to inject more romance into your relationship.
Affair Proof Your Marriage
When you think of an affair, what comes to mind? Passion? Romance? Attachment to another person? That's exactly what an affair is; however, the downside is that it is typically associated with a limited duration, not to mention, causing a great deal of pain to your primary partner. But, what if you could extend an affair and make it an everyday and lifelong occasion with your partner? You can do it; it's just a matter of decision.
The way to make this happen is to turn your relationship into an affair. The first step to doing this is to know just exactly what needs are met by an affair: feeling desired, being loved, feeling needed, sexual fulfillment, being understood, close friendship, intellectual stimulation, feeling complete, attachment, and being listened to.
Look over these characteristics and ask yourself which of these qualities you provide for your partner. The ideal way to use this list is to sit down with your partner and take turns putting this list in order of which characteristics you feel the strongest, down to those you feel the least.
When each of you has completed your list, compare notes with your partner to see the order you put the characteristics in. Pay special attention to the last few items because they will tell you the areas that you need to work on with your partner. The goal of this exercise is to identify the areas that are holding you back from having an affair with your partner.
You can do the same with your partner. Look at the feeling that he put on the bottom of the ranking list. Then ask him what he needs that would help him get a stronger sense of that feeling. You'll be surprised at how this simple exercise will illuminate important feelings that your partner has been experiencing. This exercise, many times, reveals feelings that are new to both partners. When you are able to strengthen your weak areas, your relationship will be the love affair you always wanted.
If you need help reconnecting with your partner, give me a call. I offer a free 15-minute consultation.
Nancy Fagan, Founder of Relationship Resolution Center
Nancy Fagan is the founder of the Relationship Resolution Center, an online counseling, mediation, and coaching business. She holds a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology and is the former owner of the largest divorce mediation firm in San Diego. She is a 3-time published author and has appeared on countless television, radio shows, and quoted in national magazines since 1997.